Finding Peace

As my life has started to move forward with everything, I find myself looking to find peace in what is going on. I am exploring new ideas, trying new things, and putting the things that I feel matter most to me up front and center where they belong.

I have decided to devote May to God by doing a Daniel Fast. For those that are unfamiliar, you can find out more at www.daniel-fast.com. I am hoping that this time of inner reflection will allow me even more of a chance to find those things that are important and to find out what God has in store for me and my family.

The major components of this fast are:

• Only fruits and vegetables
• Only water to drink
• No Sweeteners
• No Bread
• No Processed Foods
• No Chemicals

It's like a vegan diet, but with even more restrictions.

However, this time isn't about the restrictions, its about the benefits. About hearing God's voice for me and to focus on Him. And in this time, my spirit can tell my body that it is in charge and that I can be at peace, both inside and out.

Ending.

I can't even think of a way to start the next chapter of my life. I look at the last few entries here and its like I am stepping into a different world... one that was so far away... so long ago... and yet here I am...

So, this short post is one that allows me two things... to end the previous world that I lived in, and to start the next.

My husband and I are getting a divorce. It's not fun and it's not glamorous. It's a far cry from what I imagined my life would be like today and if you had told me I would be here just 6 short months ago... I would have laughed at you and told you to put down the crackpipe.

Not me... not now... not ever.

But sometimes things get rocky.... and when you start walking on thin ice, opportunities present themselves that end up taking all that you considered to be your world and throwing them in a blender with hurt and tears and pain. And then you wonder how you ever made things work at the beginning. Because I am the same person and so is he. But today... we don't work anymore.

Like every story out there... there is a lot more to it... and maybe one day I will share enough for me to start to get over it. But those pains are far to new for me to even stomach. The thoughts I have are still too fresh... and the boys, oh the boys... I will do much more to protect them from this awful world than I did to protect my heart.

I promise not to turn into a bittered woman. I promise not to fight hurt with hurt. To bring darkness into my spirit and radiate negativity. That isn't me.

And so today is a new day. And I will be a new me. The same me... but different. This might be my bottom.... but it's not my end.

If I could...

I have been having one of those months... a month that makes me love everything about my life right now...

I am loving my husband working for himself. He seems to be so much more satisfied with his outlook on life. He is a happier person, which means I am a happier person. He loves getting up with me, taking the boys to school and doing what he wants when he wants. It's the first time in 5 years I have seen him like this. He is now the man I married... and I love this!

My kids are doing great... and growing up like weeds. I wish I could press pause on this right now...

And the Arizona weather is at that absolutely beautiful point that I wish nobody knew about... it would keep out the snowbirds.

But the problem with loving my life right now is I start wondering what I would do "if I could". If I could drop everything... if I could move away... if I could go back in time/jump forward in time/pause time. If I could eat anything/make anything/do anything.

If I could change things outside of my control.

Sometimes I wonder about life's double edged swords. About the walls we build around ourselves and the people we surround ourselves by. The actions that we take that define who we are. And the action that the people we surround ourselves by also take... which I think further define who we are.

While I don't live with regrets... I am wondering how I will change my tomorrow so that I can not wonder about how things could be different. I want deeper friendships, richer experiences, and more memorable tomorrows. I want to do things just because. I want to miss opening weekends at the theatres and make new traditions. I want to laugh more and give love more freely.

I want to live like a child.

If I could, I'd do it all today.

Wanna make God Laugh??

I always joke that the fastest way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans. And I don't meant that God doesn't want us to do what we want to do, quite the contrary! But I do think that sometimes we want to control every facet of life. We want to do what we want to do. End of Story.

I am no exception... I wanted to go back to work. I organized my daycare. I got the boys registered. I got the rules down, I got them excited. I squared away a job. A paycheck. I got my husband on board. I was ready for Monday.

And then God laughed.

His laughter sounded an awful lot like my son's wailing at 2am on Saturday. And it lasted all weekend. I thought Corbin had an ear infection... or maybe herpangina again. But the Urgent Care and After Hours doctors said it was nothing.... "just teething".

I hate "just teething".

But fast forward to today. Wednesday. And I am not at work. I am at home... caring for a baby with Hand Foot and Mouth disease... and an ear infection. And he can't go back to daycare until Monday... at the earliest.

I am not mad or anything... but I feel like I am being tested. Like I need to make sure this is what I am ready for. Like this is where I belong. In a month, when I am no longer a contractor, I won't have the luxury (?) or being able to call out and just say "Sorry... gotta stay home with the kids today. Call me if you need me." Is that what I want? And if it is... why am I still questioning it?

Life Happens

I was asked if I was abandoning my family blog... and the short answer is no. I am not purposely abandoning this blog. I have just been super busy.

First, I have decided to go back to work full time. For the past 3 months or so, I have been working part time as a consultant, doing what I do best. And I guess they like me because I have been asked to work full time. And as an employee. I am not sure yet if it's really what I want to do. I am torn... but I am thinking that if I just do 1 year.. it will make a world of a difference in my families lifestyles and our debt crunching.

I like that.

This also means that my children will need full time care. And their current sitter (that I love) can't do full time. So they need to go to a daycare and private preschool. They did a trial day and seemed to really like it. They will be going there 5 days a week... up to 10 hours a day...

I am not sure I like that.

And then there is my hubs... who is trying hard to make his dreams come true. I am so happy with what his plans are and where he is headed. But it's stressful, too. We lose some of the comforts we have loved and we gain new freedoms.

And I both love that and don't love that.

But, even in the shadows of doubt and the beauty of the unknown... my little family has been blooming into something amazing. The tensions are dropping, the smiles are all but permanent, and the love is so strong it's sickening.

And I am seriously loving this.

Sometimes people say "Life Happens" and they mean it in a way that means that they are going through a crappy period of time... or that things are out of their hands... or that there is no explanation other than it's just the cards they were dealt with.

But for me... I think that sometimes "Life Happens" because we need to grow. I think it means that things are changing, growing, adapting... and sometimes... it's for the better.

An Internal Reveal

So last night was a spontaneous date night for me and the hubs... I had been over to my moms house earlier and she said, "Hey, I'll watch the boys if you and Dustin want to do something." Done and done!

The original plan was to catch a movie, but we decided instead to grab dinner on a patio somewhere and just chitchat... something that we rarely do anymore. And I was determined not to let this wonderful opportunity get spoiled by something like talking about the kids or what bills needed to be paid.

We headed to the local brewery... ordered some tapas... and started in!

Earlier in the day, some of my internet friends and I played a little game in which we disclosed 5 things that everyone didn't already know about us. I mentioned it to Dustin... and he probably thought that when I said "Today on the 'Tini..." my statement was going to be a mix of rants, laughs, or boring (to him) subject matter.

But instead, I said "Why don't we try this... what don't I already know about you?"


And with those words came a mix of laughs and smiles and thoughts that neither of us had thunk before. I found out some interesting things about him that I didn't know, but more importantly, I found out stuff about me that I didn't know.

For example, I know that I need a lot going on. I know that I dabble in too many projects. I know that I am weird like that. I didn't know that the reason I do it is likely because I just really want to be good at something. Not good as in you get an A+ on your paper and mom puts it on the fridge.. I had too many of those... they lost their appeal a long time ago. More like really good as in it's "MY thing"... the thing I do. The thing I am known for. And since nothing I do is over the top awesome (yet)... I don't have a thing... and instead I'll try another thing. Until I find something that clicks for me.

I am learning more about myself and who I need to be.... nay, who I want to be! I still have a lot of time before I am all grown up... and I know that I don't have to be super great at anything.... but I plan on taking the next few years to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don't mind being a jack of all trades, but I'd much rather be totally awesome at one.

I am....

The Biggest Loser!

Wow! It was a long long 12 weeks... but I am finally done with both of my Biggest Loser competitions. Although I lost the first one (hello... who loses 22% in 12 weeks!??!), I did win (barely) the 2nd one! And Oh. My. Gosh. Does it feel great! I worked my tush off... literally... and I am so happy to be rocking a size 6!

Yep... I am SMALLER than my goal!

Here are my final pics...

And since I am technically smaller than my goal... I am just going to work on toning up... no more huge weightloss goals for me! Sooooooo Freeeeeeing! :o)

Ok... your turn! Take your before/after pictures and use them as a motivation tool! I can tell you... the next picture I post of me will be me in a smoking little black cocktail dress! I can't wait to show that off!

Success Rituals

I do a lot of reading online while I nurse Corbin. It's not that I wouldn't rather be doing something productive, but for those 10-15 minute stints, I am captive to my chair. And every now and then, in the middle of all those random blogs, photos, and Facebook updates, I find something that makes me sit back and say "hmmm".

And today that little gem was something called Success Rituals. Now, I don't know the specifics on what the person who created this little idea meant... but I know what I am going to take it as: little rituals that I will do every day to lead me to be a successful person.

My definition of success is going to be very simple for right now... because I live a complicated enough life! But these are the daily rituals that I am adding to my life, and the lives of my little boys... and I encourage you to think of a few little Success Rituals that will make you happier, healthier, and more "you"!

1. I will drink 20oz of water when I wake up... on an empty stomach. I have been reading how poorly we hydrate and how inefficient our bodies are when they don't have enough water to do what they need to do.

2. I will start the day off with a good breakfast, or at least one that isn't laden with sugar. This will make it easier to keep up a healthy trend rather than begin with a "Welp, I screwed the diet at breakfast, why not make a day of it" attitude.

4. I will work out several times a week, at the gym. I am bound and determined to be healthier.. check out this picture of me only 10 years ago... I *will* be this girl again soon!

5. I will do educational activities with my boys daily! This will include field trips, art projects, and NO TV! Yep... we will turn the tv off from 12 to 6 every day. I am not above letting him watch tv... but we need to do things other than be couch potatoes!

6. I will get offline. Haha... you can stop laughing... I will unplug also... and dedicate only an hour a day to my online antics. As well as nursing time... somethings won't change. ;o)

Blessed

I cannot even imagine a luckier person than myself. I have been blessed to live in this great country. I have a home, which is something that a lot of people will never get to say. I am priviledged to own a car, which 80% of the world doesn't. I am healthy. I have two healthy and happy little boys. I have a good man for a husband.

I am Blessed.

I am not rich. I am not living in a mansion with servents. I do my own laundry. I do my own shopping. I have to cook dinner.... but at the same time, I have a working washer and dryer. I have money to shop for the things we need and even want, and we have full bellies when we go to sleep.

I am Blessed.

I go to sleep in a warm bed, knowing full well that the toys that were purchased with my children's happiness in mind are scattered in the living room. I wake up, ready to face the day of playing with those little boys while my husband goes to the job that provides an income for our family. We are both very thankful to be in the positions that we are in. To have work and freedom at the same time.

I am Blessed.

After all of my Thanksgiving feasting, I won't have leftovers. But I have the luxury of knowing that tomorrow's meals are still there. My house will be empty, but will soon be abuzz with the colors of the holidays... the warmth... the cheer... the peace...

I am Blessed.

I am a Christian who knows the real reason for the season... and I will do all that I can to keep the Christ in Christmas. Because He is the only reason...

... I am Blessed!

Radiate Joy

This past weekend, I was a part of LifeLinkChurch's annual Ladies Spa. The theme was "Weather or Not, He Reigns!" It was amazing how the team was able to transform that elementary school into a spectacular "Seasonal Extravaganza", with everything from a winter wonderland to a beach! And I loved all of the umbrellas that hung from the ceiling. It reminded me of the glass jellyfish that are on the ceiling at the Chihuly exhibit at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas! Beautiful!

One of the speakers was our very own Cheree' Wright. She spoke about how we reflect out what we are on the inside. We need to let our light shine into the world, and let that light be reflecting joy, peace and happiness... but in order for that to happen, we need to feel that way on the inside.

I have been dealing with lots of feelings lately... I will be the first to admit that those are not all joyful puppy dogs and rainbows. I think that we all have seasons that we feel more pressures, just like we have seasons of our life that are more easy going and blissful. What I have been doing is telling myself, "just one more day"... as though that was all I needed to get through... but what Cheree' shared next was what resonated with me, loud and clear...

..."Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

I will be learning to dance... learning to be joyful in whatever season I am in... I will radiate joy!

Importance

I know a few people are really tired of me whining about my family. I should be lucky to have such an awesome, huge, loving family.... right? We are almost all living in AZ... we try to do family things together... but it's still family... a family that drives me batty.

Especially now. I am having to make some major sacrifices to keep the peace in regards to our Thanksgiving plans. And I am being told that they don't want it... that I am making an inconveinence for people. That they all deserve a break from what is important to me. And just so we are clear, I am talking about dishes... and using them... not imported caviar, or pressed linens.

But it makes me wonder... what really is important? Is it more important to me to stand up for what I am believing is the right thing? Or more important for me to surround myself with family? What if that family is full of so much negativity, so much anger, so much greed that I leave feeling bad every time? How much can I subject myself to before I realize that it's just not worth it?

This happens to me every major holiday. Mother's Day I spend crying over how everyone ignores me when I suggest cooking a meal at home ("I'll do the cooking," I say... or my hubs offers to grill). They all want to go to Z'Teja's... which is both out of our price range and hard to get reservations for 36 at. We end up with Costco lasagna... and greedy family members asking for every family to PAY for their food... which they had no say in. And was cold and almost gone when they arrived... because for some reason, when they say that we are eating at 12, it's decided to start at 11 because someone is hungry.

I can't make this stuff up.

I really think that it's not healthy for me to keep trying to make things work and feel so bound to this negative cycle. I think that it's time for me to branch off and start making things about simple traditions. About food and fun and family... not a cafeteria line and a funds jar. About enjoying a homemade pie... not wondering who is going to wash the dishes.

Sometimes, the important things are are ones that you tuck in at night, you call for help, and you don't have to explain anything to. They are the ones that matter.

Be A Fantastic Parent #7

#7 Trust your mommy gut. No one knows your child better than you. Follow your instincts when it comes to his health and well-being. If you think something's wrong, chances are you're right.

I know that I am not good at this one... and I think every mom has been there. You show up at the doctors office for a runny nose and turns out that your kiddo has had a double ear infection. Or maybe you keep telling yourself "it's nothing" only because you are paranoid about being that mom so you don't freak out.

But the truth of the matter is that you know your kids better than anyone else does. And there are going to be times that you just *know* something is wrong even if every test comes back normal and everyone says that you are crazy. That's ok! Ultimately it's not about what other people think, feel, or see... it's about you and your kids...

Along this same vein, but slightly off topic, don't feel like you need to justify your feelings to anyone else! Unless, of course, you clearly are crazy and need to tell people why they shouldn't write you off. I have been going through a rather emotional time lately, which I am sure I owe all to being way too pregnant. I feel like I have to explain to people why I am doing what I am doing... why I feel the way I do. It's even come down to me NOT telling others about my plans for a Bradley Birth, my reasons for avoiding a c-section (although my mom will tell me it's the easy way to do this), the love affair I have with my stroller, or even responding about things that normally I could talk about without getting heated. All of a sudden, things are very personal for me... and if people don't agree with me, I feel like I need to justify my thoughts or get them to agree with me... and that's more trouble than I think it's worth.

The bottom line is... whether it has to do with your personal convictions or your toddler's habits... it doesn't matter what other people think, do, or say. Ultimately, it's your life, your kids, and your happiness... trust yourself!

Someday...

Today I was listening to the radio and I heard a song that really hit me in a good way. I mean, a lot of songs "hit me"... I am pregnant and super emotional... but this one just make me say "Huh... that should be written in ink on my planner, on my mirror, on my fridge...." I am sure you get the idea.

Anyway... the song said about how even though things don't seem ideal right now... someday, I am really going to miss this. That is totally where I am right now. I consider myself pretty lucky to be able to stay home with Ryan and do whatever I want to do pretty much... but sometimes things seem to suck. My house isn't clean because I have a toddler that likes to pull everything out. I never plan dinner. I suck at the housewife stuff because I never really was a housewife... and it's hard! But anyway...

I took Ryan to the zoo today with some friends. He had a blast... but every time I'd set him down, he'd go running and screaming and giggling about how funny he was that I couldn't catch him. He has no fear and would go climb in with the monkeys if the zookeeper would let him! And I was just thinking "God... where is this child's mother?!?" He was crazy and out of control. And it didn't end when we left and ran to the bookstore.

But... I remembered the song... and one day... I am really going to miss Ryan being my little bug. I am going to miss my one-on-one time with him. I am going to miss his silly little games and his funny little laughs. When he is a "too-cool-for-Mom" ::gasp:: teenager... I will really miss my little boy who loved to cuddle and explore...

Someday... I'm gonna miss this.

Goodbye 2008!

Only 2 more days until the new year... and I am already thinking about what 2009 holds for my family! Ryan will become a big brother, we have big plans to do great things... I am sure that 2009 will no doubt be better than 2008. Although I do feel bad for Ryan; we were all just getting used to being a little family of 3.

This is my top 10 list of things that I loved about 2008.

1. Baby snuggles without anyone else needing my attention.

2. Learning to be a mom.

3. Being 25... although this one is only 1/2 done... they say these years are the best ones we live, right?

4. Being a stay at home mom... I wouldn't trade it for the world!

5. Being a part of an awesome mom's group... I don't know that I would have lasted through the baby struggles without them.

6. New experiances... they are what make me... well... me.

7. 2 puppies!

8. Christmas with a toddler... I never knew life could be so fun!

9. Getting closer to Dustin, which is another thing I never thought could happen.

10.... I can't think of anything I hated... so let's just say all of 2008.

I doubt I'll come up with any resolutions... since 2002, my resolutions have always been "No more Resolutions!"... but I like to reflect on the year. It makes me soooo grateful to have a restart button that lets me pull out a fresh calendar and make new marks... And this one, I am writing in purple pen!

What did you love about 2008?

Thought for the day...

Yeah, I haven't blogged in quite a while... I am in a bit of denial that things are happening in my life (Bug is 1!) and I'll post some real entries later... I promise.

But... here is a little thought for the day.

IF YOU DONʼT WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE "MESSED UP," DONʼT FOOL AROUND WITH THOSE WHO HAVE MESSED UP THEIRS.
It is a peculiarity of human relationships that it is virtually impossible for one individual to have a lasting positive influence upon members of a group of negative thinkers. Usually, it works the other way. You cannot maintain a positive, productive attitude if you spend all your time with negative people. Those who have wrecked their own lives (and usually blame their misfortune on others) are not the kind of people who will help you achieve success in your own life. Choose your friends and associates carefully, and refrain from complaints about your job, your company, or any individual. Spend your time with positive, ambitious people who have a plan for their lives. You will find that their optimism is infectious.

Family Heirlooms

My Grandmother has always been rather particular... doesn't like people to see what she is throwing away (usually tuna fish cans) or needs only Ivory soap. In a bar. With pink paper.

She also never had any of the normal pleasures that the rest of civilization loves... television, cordless telephones, battery operated alarm clocks... the lights, buttons, or ticking noises really bothered her.

But she had some of the best toys. My sisters and I would spend hours playing with these little dolls that had snap on clothing. She had tons of puzzles. She had a rather extensive quarter collection that she let us help her with. It was so much fun to be at her house even if we knew we wouldn't be able to watch any of our favorite cartoons.

My Grandmother moved here to Arizona about 8 years ago when my dad and uncle drove to San Antonio and packed her up and moved her out here. She had several boxes, but we were all instructed never to open them. Ever. Never Ever.

Welp... Grandma moved to a nursing home and left the boxes behind... and I was helping out at the garage sale last week when they were unearthed... and calling my name. Hey... aren't grandkids supposed to go through their grandparents things?? My mind started trailing back to those wonderful toys... and I needed to open them.

The first box was covered in molasses (yes... that's my grandmother). Inside was 2 baby books, a few pictures, an old purse, and umbrella, and a file box of old paperwork. Some fun stuff... but not much... I was entrigued to open more! But I shouldn't have... box number 2 contained... wait for it... a motocross trophy. 5th place. My dad says he thinks it might have been his brothers. His mom never even went to a motocross race, so he has no clue why she wanted that.

Suitcase #1: picture frame (empty), a hot plate, and a few empty bags.
Suitcase #2: a space heater.

So much for my family heirlooms. :o(

The World Is Lucky...

Today was an interesting day. My mother in law decided she wanted to come visit Ryan and spend some time with our family. Little did I know that basically meant that I was on babysitting duty, and she wanted me to take her shopping, swimming, and leave her alone with my child... not fun at all.

As much as I hated all that, at least I was prepared for it. I wasn't, however, prepared at all for something so underhanded and passive aggressive that came with her. I was questioned about my ability to parent. And not in a "Do you need help?" or "Let me make a suggestion" kind of way... she flat out corrected me and made me feel like the most insignificant person around. I know that I am not the best mom out there... but I feel that I was given Ryan because someone trusted me with such a fragile little being. I don't think that's her place to be questioning this.

I realized as she took toys away from Ryan that I thought were fine and as she questioned Plums with Apples as and appropriate "lunch", I had 2 ways to react. I could tell her that she was wrong, that she doesn't know what she is talking about and that I am awesome. Or, I could tell her nothing. I could realize that she did things a certain way, and it worked for her... and some things just work for me. And that's ok.

I decide on a little from column A, and a bit from column B. I decide that this is what works for me... AND I am awesome. I do things the way I do because it is what will make my tomorrow unique. My Laissez-Faire attitude is what will give Ryan the ability to open up more and realize that it's ok not to bottle things up because I will accept him for who he is, and what he wants to become. And ultimately, my world is better because of this attitude...

It's time to realize that you are special, and the world is lucky to have you in it! Even if you mother in law doesn't agree.

Friends and "Friends"

I have been very lucky to come into a great group of women that I can share almost anything with... and it dawned on me the other day that we have known each other for quite a while... almost 3 years in some cases! We love to get together for drinks, have dates, catch movies and just hang out. I am also blessed to have several other important women in my life... they say a friend for every situation... I have my "mommy" friends, my happy hour friends, my AlwaysHonest friends, my church friends... the ones I go to for a good cry... the ones I go to for a good laugh... and almost all of them are my I'veGotYourBack friends!

And then I have another totally different set of "friends"... I am not talking about the other girls that I talk to and we know of each other... I am talking about the people that bring me in close because they want me to feel like I am their friend. Then come the favors... and not for me. They want to do a bbq at the house while we watch the game. And they bring a single 2-liter bottle of orange soda. Don't get me wrong... I love people pitching in... but a soda? So, I run to the store to grab something of substance... and come home. They mention that they need a swing for the baby... ok... I can do that. I grab the swing and set it up in the living room. I make lunch... and then we are all happy....

Until it's starts getting late... My hubby is getting hungry... and the "guests" are still here... the game is over... and 2 more have come and gone. I can't ask them to leave... but we make no invitation for them to stay longer. She gets up and takes my Ben&Jerry's out of the freezer (new carton no less), and eats.the.whole.thing! I am in shock... anyone who knows B&J knows that the carton should never... never... never be eaten in one sitting! Unless of course you must... but those times are rare!

With B&J gone, she puts her newborn to sleep... on my living room floor... behind the couch. Yep... behind the couch! Her husband is asking random questions about things like "So, how warm do you think the pool is?" and then before you know it, we are outside... by the pool...

Finally, Dustin says that he needs to run back to his office because he left an imaginary project he *needs* on his desk, so we pack them up to leave. They ask to borrow the swing because they don't have one, and we say sure. Away goes my lovely Fisher Price Papasan Nature swing... but at least the "friends" are gone.

Now, anyone who has known me for longer than 5 minutes knows that I love to lend things to people. It shows me that more than one person benefited from my frivolous spending of money... but what drives me nuts is that I just found out that this "friend" has put my swing in storage... "for later"... she has taken several other items from me that I know I will never see again (a breastpump that I bought but never used, a DoodleWrap, numerous baby items). She never pays me back... and she always needs something else. Although my heart is huge... my pockets aren't... and I hate being taken advantage of.

Friends are the ones that make you laugh and understand your pain. They make the world a little brighter and a little bit easier to deal with... and the "friends" are the ones that you don't understand why you try... I hope you all have more of the friends you need in your life! Let's make a pack to undo those "friendships" once and for all... life is too short to pretend to make it work.

One Minute Challenge...

I was at the gym today, and I was lucky enough to come across an abandoned "O Magazine"... so, I got the elliptical going and started reading, hoping it would take my mind off the next 30 minutes of turning my knees to jello! It worked... kind of...

Anyway, I was reading this article... and I know I am going to butcher it, and I also know it was copywritten to some extent... so here's the jist to avoid any type of confrontation...

A man was waiting in line at the grocery store and he was in a grumpy mood. He was in a bit of a hurry. The lady in front of him only had 1 item, but she didn't go in the express lane. Instead, she stood there, chatting with the cashier. The lady had a small boy with her, and the cashier was smiling at him and making funny voices. The lady even handed the cashier the infant for a quick minute. The man was getting impatient, and when he looked up, he caught the huge smile on the little boys face. The lady and the boy left, and the man moved forward.

"Cute kid," he said to the cashier.

"Oh, you think? He's actually mine. My husband was in the military and was killed in action about a year ago. I have to work full time now, and my mom tries to bring him in once or twice a day so I can see him while I am working."

The truth is that things aren't always the way that we see them. To us, something may seem to make perfect sense, so we accept it for what we believe it to be, or we get irritated when it doesn't work with our expectations. However, our perceptions could be as far from the truth as it gets.

My challenge to you is to take one minute today and try to dispell one of your personal perceptions! Maybe you feel like someone hates you, but you don't know why (or maybe you do... but that's not the point). It could be that you know exactly why your neighbor always parks their car in front of your house (you know... the car you called the HOA on), or maybe their dog is always barking in the middle of the night (admit that you yelled at the backdoor to 'shut that dog up!'). Maybe your reasoning for why these things happen are far from accurate. That hatred could actually be a bit of a misunderstanding, your neighbor's daughter could have just moved back in from a messy divorce and has to park in the street, or maybe the dog is deaf and can't hear that it barks all the time... and maybe the owner is too! :o)

Either way, start with just one... and then maybe you'll see a few more that you can attack without breaking a sweat! Who knows... maybe someone else is cutting you some slack, too!

So, can I just cry for a moment? I have reached my end. I mentioned a few weeks ago my inability to do everything... and how I would just stop. Well, once again, my obvious pitfalls were pointed out to me, and I realized that I am not appreciated, no matter what I do. I also mentioned at one point in time that I loved staying at home, watching my little boy grow. I guess watching a little boy blossom into a man is more along the lines of watching soaps than watching water boil... They both seem the same at the surface (pointless)... but at least one of them will actually amount to something useful later.

I have come to another enlightenment... I make a lot of mistakes. I am sure you all could have guessed that one, without me even having to say it. But when I make mistakes, I have a plethora of people around me that relish in that fact... and they have to point it out to me numerous times. I mentioned today that we needed to leave for church for a 10:30 service, only to have it shouted from the rooftops that the service was really at 11:00. After the shouting ended... the nudging began... yep... I was nudged during the church service to be shown the bulletin that had clearly printed on it "Service Times: 9:00 & 11:00". Thank you for this gentle reminder.

If there were a scarlet letter for my position in life, it'd probably be a M... I am a mom... a maid... and a moron for staying where I am.