Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ending.

I can't even think of a way to start the next chapter of my life. I look at the last few entries here and its like I am stepping into a different world... one that was so far away... so long ago... and yet here I am...

So, this short post is one that allows me two things... to end the previous world that I lived in, and to start the next.

My husband and I are getting a divorce. It's not fun and it's not glamorous. It's a far cry from what I imagined my life would be like today and if you had told me I would be here just 6 short months ago... I would have laughed at you and told you to put down the crackpipe.

Not me... not now... not ever.

But sometimes things get rocky.... and when you start walking on thin ice, opportunities present themselves that end up taking all that you considered to be your world and throwing them in a blender with hurt and tears and pain. And then you wonder how you ever made things work at the beginning. Because I am the same person and so is he. But today... we don't work anymore.

Like every story out there... there is a lot more to it... and maybe one day I will share enough for me to start to get over it. But those pains are far to new for me to even stomach. The thoughts I have are still too fresh... and the boys, oh the boys... I will do much more to protect them from this awful world than I did to protect my heart.

I promise not to turn into a bittered woman. I promise not to fight hurt with hurt. To bring darkness into my spirit and radiate negativity. That isn't me.

And so today is a new day. And I will be a new me. The same me... but different. This might be my bottom.... but it's not my end.

2 comments:

Katie @ On the Banks of Squaw Creek said...

hugs and prayers for you.

The Sheppard Bunch said...

I am so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart. I will be praying for you guys and if you ever need to talk or even just vent I am here!

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