Monday, March 8, 2010

What to Say... What to Do...

I'll admit that I am being a baby right now. Someone said something to me that made me go back into my shelter... I am a Cancer (not a bad thing... my astrological sign) and I've always said that this is exactly who I am... hard on the outside... soft on the inside. I wear my heart on my sleeve but keep my emotions to a minimum. I hate showing vulnerability, and even more, I hate people knowing that I might be vulnerable.

I am supposed to be hardcore. Caring, yet honest. Not easily swayed by other peoples thoughts. Determined.

But sometimes... sometimes I am a baby.

I wish I could have always been the open book... the girl who was too emotional even... so I could spill my heart out and say what I think without anyone being shocked... wondering why on Earth I would ever feel that way. I am supposed to be the tough guy.

But I know I can't stay here... sometimes when I get here, I wonder what to do. I can't stay here forever, you know. Staying leads to stuck. And I hate stuck. And right now, this would be a superglue stuck... the kind that you hate and find yourself cursing under your breath the moment you discover it... not a honey-gooey-cinnabon laden stuck, which would cause you tp just smile a bit and lick your fingers.

I always say that I am trying to be better... trying to figure things out... trying to make a difference. So in order to keep from getting stuck in this place of bitter solitude, I am going to unwind and get a bit done. And so I am tackling some at home projects and running some errands that I keep putting off... because I find myself knee-deep in internet nonsense.

Those that know me know what nonsense I speak of. And know that sometimes we need to separate our lives from it to rediscover who we are... and with a new passion.

Tonight, I am going to indulge in a milky bubble bath while catching up on a few podcasts and listen to the storm roll through. That always makes me a little more myself.

1 comment:

Sharon said...

I understand. But I miss you. =)

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