I have decided that my life is just not exciting enough I guess... that I need more going on... or maybe I am just a glutton for punishment.
Either way, I am studying up to take my LSAT in the fall... and applying for Law School. :gasp: Those who have known me for a while know that this isn't super strange as it's what I have wanted to do for years. I was captain of the debate team. Was going to be "prelaw" but then determined that "prelaw" wasn't really a major at all, and decided my life would be better as a Business Major. That was something I could really put on the back burner while I had babies and raised them up and did all that mom stuff.
But now my goal is to be more than just "mom". I want to provide a better life for my kids in a way that only a mom can want. I want to go above and beyond. I know that the next few years is going to be stressful (understatement) and require dedication (even bigger understatement) but I think we can do it.
We. Me and the boys. I talked to Ryan about my plans and he had the simpleist of words that just made things make sense: "Mom, school is a good idea. And if you make good choices, then me and Corbin will be so proud of you!" So much wisdom for such a little boy.
The next few months will be a whirlwind... we need to move... although I am not quite sure when. Probably by mid October. I have a few ideas where that will be, and I am working hard to make sure that the transitions will be seamless for the boys. Hard parts include figuring out my budget now that I am making less that I ever have in my professional lifetime, as well as school ideas for the boys. Ryan will likely start kindergarden next fall... and Corbin will still be in daycare for a few more years, so I need them to be close enough to our housing, but also close enough to my parents incase school doesn't allow for quick pickups as easily.
My biggest goals... that my boys aren't put at a disadvantage through this. That they continue to see the beauty that surrounds us in all forms. That they understand that regardless of the hands we are delt, the choices we make, we don't need to roll over a die. That we are able to thrive in all conditions and that by doing so, we will make this world a better place.
So... as this season of my life begins... I continue to learn about letting go, moving on, and finding my place in this world.

Finding Peace

As my life has started to move forward with everything, I find myself looking to find peace in what is going on. I am exploring new ideas, trying new things, and putting the things that I feel matter most to me up front and center where they belong.

I have decided to devote May to God by doing a Daniel Fast. For those that are unfamiliar, you can find out more at www.daniel-fast.com. I am hoping that this time of inner reflection will allow me even more of a chance to find those things that are important and to find out what God has in store for me and my family.

The major components of this fast are:

• Only fruits and vegetables
• Only water to drink
• No Sweeteners
• No Bread
• No Processed Foods
• No Chemicals

It's like a vegan diet, but with even more restrictions.

However, this time isn't about the restrictions, its about the benefits. About hearing God's voice for me and to focus on Him. And in this time, my spirit can tell my body that it is in charge and that I can be at peace, both inside and out.

New Challenges...

Spring is here and now I am in the mood for some changes.... and like always, I am challenging myself to be a better person. Here are a few things I am up to:

- Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 days! She just released this new dvd workout system that has an accompanying meal plan. I am determined to get back into shape... be prepared for some new before and afters!

- No more processed foods. I am ridding my house of heavily processed foods and moving toward more fresh foods. Obviously, I won't exclude everything processed, but we are going to be making better choices whenever possible. I will be posting an article on my YAWYK site about my pantry cleaning project. :o)

- A new 2011 in 2011 Challenge! I was close, but not able to conquer my 2010 in 2010... but that isn't going to stop me from being a rockstar and getting rid of 2011 things THIS YEAR!! Again, watch for progress on my YAWYK site... it's gonna be a fun one!

- Spending freezes. I have a tendency to spend too much sometimes (don't we all) so I am going to be doing sporadic spending freezes that cause me to be more resourceful and to use what I have or go without. I am currently on a spending freeze through the 15th of April. :o) The goal is that the extra cash I get can go into hiding so that I can save up for things I really want instead of on impulse buys that cause me to nickle and dime myself.

Whew... that's a lot.. even for me... but I know that keeping myself busy is going to be the key to getting through this part of my life. I've also been reading like crazy... so watch for a few book reviews! :o)

Ending.

I can't even think of a way to start the next chapter of my life. I look at the last few entries here and its like I am stepping into a different world... one that was so far away... so long ago... and yet here I am...

So, this short post is one that allows me two things... to end the previous world that I lived in, and to start the next.

My husband and I are getting a divorce. It's not fun and it's not glamorous. It's a far cry from what I imagined my life would be like today and if you had told me I would be here just 6 short months ago... I would have laughed at you and told you to put down the crackpipe.

Not me... not now... not ever.

But sometimes things get rocky.... and when you start walking on thin ice, opportunities present themselves that end up taking all that you considered to be your world and throwing them in a blender with hurt and tears and pain. And then you wonder how you ever made things work at the beginning. Because I am the same person and so is he. But today... we don't work anymore.

Like every story out there... there is a lot more to it... and maybe one day I will share enough for me to start to get over it. But those pains are far to new for me to even stomach. The thoughts I have are still too fresh... and the boys, oh the boys... I will do much more to protect them from this awful world than I did to protect my heart.

I promise not to turn into a bittered woman. I promise not to fight hurt with hurt. To bring darkness into my spirit and radiate negativity. That isn't me.

And so today is a new day. And I will be a new me. The same me... but different. This might be my bottom.... but it's not my end.

Needs

I have mention before my love of the book His Needs, Her Needs. If you still haven't had a chance to pull it out, do it! You and your marriage will benefit from it greatly! My hubs and I studied the book through our premarital counseling... love it!

Even my hubs read it... which says a lot!

One of the "needs" that the book highlights is a mans need for an attractive spouse. It's not so much the "Trophy Wife" idea than that a man needs a wife who cares about her appearance. Who doesn't let herself go and works hard to be someone that he can be attracted to.

Now I know I can be opening a can of worms here, but I think it's very important for a man to feel like their spouse does more than just brush their teeth in the morning. But I also think it's important for a woman to feel attractive.

I don't know about you... but when I feel pretty... I feel flirty. I feel fun. I feel lovable.

But when I schlep myself together... I feel grumpy. I feel bleh. I feel untouchable.

And everyone knows that untouchable is not a good feeling.

Anyway, I was blogsurfing the other day and stumbled upon a blog that discussed the importance of dating your husband. About keeping things alive by keeping things new. And it struck a special cord with me. One of the topics they discuss is getting girlified so that you feel more of that gushy stuff up above!

I decided to try one out and donned a pair of falsies this morning.... for my eyes... not my chest!

 

I am loving my new Bambi eyes... I've always been jealous of my kiddos and their super long lashes... and now I feel more pulled together... more womanly... more beautiful. 

And my hubs? He LOVED them! 

Sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest differences... and I will continue to be a woman who cares about herself so that my marriage can be enriched.

If I could...

I have been having one of those months... a month that makes me love everything about my life right now...

I am loving my husband working for himself. He seems to be so much more satisfied with his outlook on life. He is a happier person, which means I am a happier person. He loves getting up with me, taking the boys to school and doing what he wants when he wants. It's the first time in 5 years I have seen him like this. He is now the man I married... and I love this!

My kids are doing great... and growing up like weeds. I wish I could press pause on this right now...

And the Arizona weather is at that absolutely beautiful point that I wish nobody knew about... it would keep out the snowbirds.

But the problem with loving my life right now is I start wondering what I would do "if I could". If I could drop everything... if I could move away... if I could go back in time/jump forward in time/pause time. If I could eat anything/make anything/do anything.

If I could change things outside of my control.

Sometimes I wonder about life's double edged swords. About the walls we build around ourselves and the people we surround ourselves by. The actions that we take that define who we are. And the action that the people we surround ourselves by also take... which I think further define who we are.

While I don't live with regrets... I am wondering how I will change my tomorrow so that I can not wonder about how things could be different. I want deeper friendships, richer experiences, and more memorable tomorrows. I want to do things just because. I want to miss opening weekends at the theatres and make new traditions. I want to laugh more and give love more freely.

I want to live like a child.

If I could, I'd do it all today.

Sustainable

I had a girl come out on Saturday to visit with me about my garden. It needs some serious love... and since I just feel like I need some major hand holding, I figured she was totally worth the time and money. Plus, she knew my husband's late grandparents. That's always a plus.

She came out and we talked about my lofty goals. Goals that included a backyard orchard, an abundance of crops, aromatic herbs... and chickens.

My HOA says no chickens. But my neighbors... they say that so long as they are in my yard and I don't have a rooster, they don't care. I love my neighbors.

My husband is fully on board. So we are underway with our plans to revamp our side yard. Here is the satellite "before"...

I can't wait for this fall. I know that the trees won't be overloaded with fruit.. but the garden should be plentiful... so if you are in the area, feel free to stop by! :o)

I am ready to become a little more sustainable... be ready for updates as they happen!

Eating... or not.

So I did it. I did what I said months ago I wouldn't do.

I watched Food, Inc.

I learned things I wish I wouldn't have... but even more that I am so glad that I did.

And I made a few choices.

The first is that my family won't buy any more factory-processed beef from a grocery. I finished watching the film, got online, and found a local rancher that has only grass-fed beef that are raised locally and butchered humanely. And I bought 1/4 of beef that will be delivered this weekend to my house. Vacuum packed. Ready to freeze.

I also am strongly debating my use of coupons. I love saving the money. I love helping others to save money. But after watching the documentary, I am feeling like I am promoting companies that don't really have me or my family in mind. They have their pockets (and rightly so) in the front and center. I just am having a hard time figuring out why I would want those products anymore, no matter how cheap I can get them for.

This week, I am also having a garden guru stop by and help me make some changes for my fall/winter planting. I really want to make the most of my garden this season, harvesting carrots, potatoes, spinach... and feeling good about what I choose.

And although I know that I won't be perfect, I do like to think that this experience is making me more aware of what I am doing for myself, my family and my future. I might still drink Coke... but I am going to buy free-range chicken eggs (and am still entertaining the thought of my own chickens). I am going to think locally, sustainably, healthy.

And I will giggle when Katie takes away my voter registration card.. because there is no way my Republican is showing... ;o)

Wanna make God Laugh??

I always joke that the fastest way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans. And I don't meant that God doesn't want us to do what we want to do, quite the contrary! But I do think that sometimes we want to control every facet of life. We want to do what we want to do. End of Story.

I am no exception... I wanted to go back to work. I organized my daycare. I got the boys registered. I got the rules down, I got them excited. I squared away a job. A paycheck. I got my husband on board. I was ready for Monday.

And then God laughed.

His laughter sounded an awful lot like my son's wailing at 2am on Saturday. And it lasted all weekend. I thought Corbin had an ear infection... or maybe herpangina again. But the Urgent Care and After Hours doctors said it was nothing.... "just teething".

I hate "just teething".

But fast forward to today. Wednesday. And I am not at work. I am at home... caring for a baby with Hand Foot and Mouth disease... and an ear infection. And he can't go back to daycare until Monday... at the earliest.

I am not mad or anything... but I feel like I am being tested. Like I need to make sure this is what I am ready for. Like this is where I belong. In a month, when I am no longer a contractor, I won't have the luxury (?) or being able to call out and just say "Sorry... gotta stay home with the kids today. Call me if you need me." Is that what I want? And if it is... why am I still questioning it?

Life Happens

I was asked if I was abandoning my family blog... and the short answer is no. I am not purposely abandoning this blog. I have just been super busy.

First, I have decided to go back to work full time. For the past 3 months or so, I have been working part time as a consultant, doing what I do best. And I guess they like me because I have been asked to work full time. And as an employee. I am not sure yet if it's really what I want to do. I am torn... but I am thinking that if I just do 1 year.. it will make a world of a difference in my families lifestyles and our debt crunching.

I like that.

This also means that my children will need full time care. And their current sitter (that I love) can't do full time. So they need to go to a daycare and private preschool. They did a trial day and seemed to really like it. They will be going there 5 days a week... up to 10 hours a day...

I am not sure I like that.

And then there is my hubs... who is trying hard to make his dreams come true. I am so happy with what his plans are and where he is headed. But it's stressful, too. We lose some of the comforts we have loved and we gain new freedoms.

And I both love that and don't love that.

But, even in the shadows of doubt and the beauty of the unknown... my little family has been blooming into something amazing. The tensions are dropping, the smiles are all but permanent, and the love is so strong it's sickening.

And I am seriously loving this.

Sometimes people say "Life Happens" and they mean it in a way that means that they are going through a crappy period of time... or that things are out of their hands... or that there is no explanation other than it's just the cards they were dealt with.

But for me... I think that sometimes "Life Happens" because we need to grow. I think it means that things are changing, growing, adapting... and sometimes... it's for the better.

Thrifty Decor

I have never been one to have a Martha Stewart home. I love pretty things, decorations and all that... but I suffer from a disease I call "I-can-do-that-itis". I refuse to buy things I can do myself. And combine that with the lack of real wall space in my house... it's easy to see why I don't have anything really on my walls.

No curtains. No pictures. Nothing.

But I am trying to make that change. And we all know I am just a little bit cheap :cough cough: I am trying to do this all while spending as little as possible.

This weekend, I tried my hand at these Book Wreaths over at Living with Lindsay!

I am pretty happy with the end result! And best yet, it only cost me $2! I got my book and wreath form at the Dollar Tree... I had the glue gun and gray paint already.

I am not sure where I will keep it, but for now, it feels at home above this shelf.

An Internal Reveal

So last night was a spontaneous date night for me and the hubs... I had been over to my moms house earlier and she said, "Hey, I'll watch the boys if you and Dustin want to do something." Done and done!

The original plan was to catch a movie, but we decided instead to grab dinner on a patio somewhere and just chitchat... something that we rarely do anymore. And I was determined not to let this wonderful opportunity get spoiled by something like talking about the kids or what bills needed to be paid.

We headed to the local brewery... ordered some tapas... and started in!

Earlier in the day, some of my internet friends and I played a little game in which we disclosed 5 things that everyone didn't already know about us. I mentioned it to Dustin... and he probably thought that when I said "Today on the 'Tini..." my statement was going to be a mix of rants, laughs, or boring (to him) subject matter.

But instead, I said "Why don't we try this... what don't I already know about you?"


And with those words came a mix of laughs and smiles and thoughts that neither of us had thunk before. I found out some interesting things about him that I didn't know, but more importantly, I found out stuff about me that I didn't know.

For example, I know that I need a lot going on. I know that I dabble in too many projects. I know that I am weird like that. I didn't know that the reason I do it is likely because I just really want to be good at something. Not good as in you get an A+ on your paper and mom puts it on the fridge.. I had too many of those... they lost their appeal a long time ago. More like really good as in it's "MY thing"... the thing I do. The thing I am known for. And since nothing I do is over the top awesome (yet)... I don't have a thing... and instead I'll try another thing. Until I find something that clicks for me.

I am learning more about myself and who I need to be.... nay, who I want to be! I still have a lot of time before I am all grown up... and I know that I don't have to be super great at anything.... but I plan on taking the next few years to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don't mind being a jack of all trades, but I'd much rather be totally awesome at one.

Round 2

You will never guess that I am blogging away from a stationary bike at my gym right now. But I am. Ahhhh gotta love technology!

It's been quite a while since I've been to the gym. And sadly a few of those pounds have started to creep right back on. So I am being proactive and keeping my tail in the gym.

I also have signed up for a.competition in November called Fight for Air Climb. All proceeds go to find a cure for lung cancer. Come that cool November morning I will have to climb 53 stories. Nearly 1300 steps. Yikes!

You can find out more by going to www.climbphoenix.com. Also, you can join my jean ny searching for ClimbGenius. Or feel free to sponsor me instead!

Tell me what you are doing to stay ahead of those pounds!

Oh! I almost forgot! Be sure to check out http://youarewhatyoukeep.blogspot.com on Thursday for some awesome news!

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Tour de Thrift!

Whew... I've had one of those weeks... but I have to come back and tell you about the amazing event that I was able to go to on Saturday.... the first ever... hopefully annual... Arizona Tour de Thrift!

We met at Mimi's for breakfast, and there were so many beautiful women there ready to share their great ideas! I had the pleasure of sitting near Hanna of Rubies and Pearls, Sharla of My Little Gems , and Steph from Somewhat Simple and Crazy Domestic... check 'em out!

Ashley from Cute as a Fox and Jax from Aly & Ash did such a great job putting this event together! Check out these swag bags (and I am borrowing the picture... thanks!)

I can't wait to show you the projects that these items will all be a part of.... and although the rest of the group went out to Goodwill for 50% off day, I had to bow out (with my sister who came with me) to attend a family wedding... but let me assure you... it won't keep me from going later to spend the $5 giftcard that we got!

I was also lucky enough to win not one, but 2 prizes! (I paid for 2 tickets, but my guest backed out at the last minute... but she was still in the drawing) I won two beautiful ribbon flowers from Simply Memzelle. They are gorgeous... I just don't have my card for my camera right now to share! I also one a gift card to The Vintage Pearl! I was sooo excited about this since it was the one thing I was praying to win! I need to pick out something beautiful!


Thanks so much, Ladies for such an awesome event! I can't wait to get creative!

Day 14: Non-fiction

Ok... confession... I don't really read many books, and I read even less non-fiction books. And although the Bible would be my real answer to my favorite non-fiction book... I'll do another.

How about I pick CityChic.

This book was a huge blessing when I first moved out on my own. It had so many tips and tricks of stretching my dollars and living a life I wanted... which was great because I moved out making $7/hr, but working only 12 hours a week max. I was in school full time with full time bills, and I was much to proud for hand outs. I learned tricks including what haircut to get (when you can only afford 4 cuts a year), what spices every girl needs in her kitchen, and what make up products to skimp on and what to splurge on. I also learned what staples to have in my closet to really stretch my wardrobe.

I love this book so much, I bought it for my sister when she moved to LA on her own.

I recommend it to every girl, single or not, city chic or not, that wants to make that buck go a little further!

Day 13: Fiction...

I won't lie... I skipped day 12 because the "whatever tickles your fancy" prompts weird me out... I have no idea what they mean and I am really not sure what tickles my fancy... so I am gonna just let it go by the wayside.

A fictional book that I loved as a child and love sharing with my kiddo is:

And in all reality... I think that my love for this book is one of the windows into who I am. I am someone who likes something.. and takes that like to extremes, letting it build off of each other until the end is so far removed from the beginning, it's hard to recognize it. Sometimes those changes are a good thing... and sometimes not so much.. but you know. That's how it goes.

Day 11: Me Now

It's rare that I am ever on the OTHER side of the camera... not because I think of myself as a photographer... but because my kids are a bit too wobbly to be trusted with a camera. 

But we are doing passports and I needed to save the $15 a person they were going to charge us to take the photos... so I did them myself. And had the hubs take my photo. So this is me... now... 

Part of me wants to say "excuse the ragamuffin hair" or "I was having a rough day"... and what you can't see in this picture is my cookie covered 2-year-old wanting to take another picture since the first resulted in said cookie. And my nearly walking 11 month old crying for his "baba" within arms reach... because I am holding him away so his head won't interrupt the picture... 

... but this is my life. And I said it before, so I'll say it again... it's only for a season!

200th Post! And a new blog...

Wow... 200 posts?!?! That flew by...

I wanted to let you all know that I am starting a challenge to simplify... I'd love for you to come follow my progress and maybe take part on your own! Come check it out!

http://youarewhatyoukeep.blogspot.com

Don't forget to grab a button and follow me! I plan on adding tips and hints along the way... and I can't wait to see what life holds for me at a much simpler level!

Day 10: RetroMe

Once upon a time I was little too...

Do you see my kids in me?

We grew up in a UPC church... lots of rules.. clean shaven men, women all wore pantyhose... big hair bows. Wait! That last one was optional... I think... but the shoulder pads and ruffles weren't. Um, hello!! It was the 80s!!

One of my favorite memories as a kid was decorating for birthdays. We would blow up those little balloons and then rub them on our heads to stick them to the wall with static. So simple. I wish life was just that easy now.

Speaking of which... I have begun a bit of an internal simplification. I think that my life gets too complicated because I make it that way. My goal is to simplify and to be happy with less... only my best! What do you do to keep life simple?

Day 9: I did it!

I take most of the pictures of my boys... this one makes me laugh everytime I look at it. It's so characteristically accurate of what goes on. Ryan pesters... Corbin cries... and I am laughing again...

Welp... you gotta laugh!

And completely unrelated... I have been loving life lately, even though we have been totally battling bad things like the flu and sickies here. I can't even explain my newfound happiness... except to say that it's much welcomed. I am making little changes around here and finding new inspiration to move forward. I have been tossing around a few ideas... and as they mature... I'll share them here!

Have a great Thursday!