I have decided that my life is just not exciting enough I guess... that I need more going on... or maybe I am just a glutton for punishment.
Either way, I am studying up to take my LSAT in the fall... and applying for Law School. :gasp: Those who have known me for a while know that this isn't super strange as it's what I have wanted to do for years. I was captain of the debate team. Was going to be "prelaw" but then determined that "prelaw" wasn't really a major at all, and decided my life would be better as a Business Major. That was something I could really put on the back burner while I had babies and raised them up and did all that mom stuff.
But now my goal is to be more than just "mom". I want to provide a better life for my kids in a way that only a mom can want. I want to go above and beyond. I know that the next few years is going to be stressful (understatement) and require dedication (even bigger understatement) but I think we can do it.
We. Me and the boys. I talked to Ryan about my plans and he had the simpleist of words that just made things make sense: "Mom, school is a good idea. And if you make good choices, then me and Corbin will be so proud of you!" So much wisdom for such a little boy.
The next few months will be a whirlwind... we need to move... although I am not quite sure when. Probably by mid October. I have a few ideas where that will be, and I am working hard to make sure that the transitions will be seamless for the boys. Hard parts include figuring out my budget now that I am making less that I ever have in my professional lifetime, as well as school ideas for the boys. Ryan will likely start kindergarden next fall... and Corbin will still be in daycare for a few more years, so I need them to be close enough to our housing, but also close enough to my parents incase school doesn't allow for quick pickups as easily.
My biggest goals... that my boys aren't put at a disadvantage through this. That they continue to see the beauty that surrounds us in all forms. That they understand that regardless of the hands we are delt, the choices we make, we don't need to roll over a die. That we are able to thrive in all conditions and that by doing so, we will make this world a better place.
So... as this season of my life begins... I continue to learn about letting go, moving on, and finding my place in this world.

Finding Peace

As my life has started to move forward with everything, I find myself looking to find peace in what is going on. I am exploring new ideas, trying new things, and putting the things that I feel matter most to me up front and center where they belong.

I have decided to devote May to God by doing a Daniel Fast. For those that are unfamiliar, you can find out more at www.daniel-fast.com. I am hoping that this time of inner reflection will allow me even more of a chance to find those things that are important and to find out what God has in store for me and my family.

The major components of this fast are:

• Only fruits and vegetables
• Only water to drink
• No Sweeteners
• No Bread
• No Processed Foods
• No Chemicals

It's like a vegan diet, but with even more restrictions.

However, this time isn't about the restrictions, its about the benefits. About hearing God's voice for me and to focus on Him. And in this time, my spirit can tell my body that it is in charge and that I can be at peace, both inside and out.

New Challenges...

Spring is here and now I am in the mood for some changes.... and like always, I am challenging myself to be a better person. Here are a few things I am up to:

- Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 days! She just released this new dvd workout system that has an accompanying meal plan. I am determined to get back into shape... be prepared for some new before and afters!

- No more processed foods. I am ridding my house of heavily processed foods and moving toward more fresh foods. Obviously, I won't exclude everything processed, but we are going to be making better choices whenever possible. I will be posting an article on my YAWYK site about my pantry cleaning project. :o)

- A new 2011 in 2011 Challenge! I was close, but not able to conquer my 2010 in 2010... but that isn't going to stop me from being a rockstar and getting rid of 2011 things THIS YEAR!! Again, watch for progress on my YAWYK site... it's gonna be a fun one!

- Spending freezes. I have a tendency to spend too much sometimes (don't we all) so I am going to be doing sporadic spending freezes that cause me to be more resourceful and to use what I have or go without. I am currently on a spending freeze through the 15th of April. :o) The goal is that the extra cash I get can go into hiding so that I can save up for things I really want instead of on impulse buys that cause me to nickle and dime myself.

Whew... that's a lot.. even for me... but I know that keeping myself busy is going to be the key to getting through this part of my life. I've also been reading like crazy... so watch for a few book reviews! :o)

Ending.

I can't even think of a way to start the next chapter of my life. I look at the last few entries here and its like I am stepping into a different world... one that was so far away... so long ago... and yet here I am...

So, this short post is one that allows me two things... to end the previous world that I lived in, and to start the next.

My husband and I are getting a divorce. It's not fun and it's not glamorous. It's a far cry from what I imagined my life would be like today and if you had told me I would be here just 6 short months ago... I would have laughed at you and told you to put down the crackpipe.

Not me... not now... not ever.

But sometimes things get rocky.... and when you start walking on thin ice, opportunities present themselves that end up taking all that you considered to be your world and throwing them in a blender with hurt and tears and pain. And then you wonder how you ever made things work at the beginning. Because I am the same person and so is he. But today... we don't work anymore.

Like every story out there... there is a lot more to it... and maybe one day I will share enough for me to start to get over it. But those pains are far to new for me to even stomach. The thoughts I have are still too fresh... and the boys, oh the boys... I will do much more to protect them from this awful world than I did to protect my heart.

I promise not to turn into a bittered woman. I promise not to fight hurt with hurt. To bring darkness into my spirit and radiate negativity. That isn't me.

And so today is a new day. And I will be a new me. The same me... but different. This might be my bottom.... but it's not my end.

Needs

I have mention before my love of the book His Needs, Her Needs. If you still haven't had a chance to pull it out, do it! You and your marriage will benefit from it greatly! My hubs and I studied the book through our premarital counseling... love it!

Even my hubs read it... which says a lot!

One of the "needs" that the book highlights is a mans need for an attractive spouse. It's not so much the "Trophy Wife" idea than that a man needs a wife who cares about her appearance. Who doesn't let herself go and works hard to be someone that he can be attracted to.

Now I know I can be opening a can of worms here, but I think it's very important for a man to feel like their spouse does more than just brush their teeth in the morning. But I also think it's important for a woman to feel attractive.

I don't know about you... but when I feel pretty... I feel flirty. I feel fun. I feel lovable.

But when I schlep myself together... I feel grumpy. I feel bleh. I feel untouchable.

And everyone knows that untouchable is not a good feeling.

Anyway, I was blogsurfing the other day and stumbled upon a blog that discussed the importance of dating your husband. About keeping things alive by keeping things new. And it struck a special cord with me. One of the topics they discuss is getting girlified so that you feel more of that gushy stuff up above!

I decided to try one out and donned a pair of falsies this morning.... for my eyes... not my chest!

 

I am loving my new Bambi eyes... I've always been jealous of my kiddos and their super long lashes... and now I feel more pulled together... more womanly... more beautiful. 

And my hubs? He LOVED them! 

Sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest differences... and I will continue to be a woman who cares about herself so that my marriage can be enriched.

If I could...

I have been having one of those months... a month that makes me love everything about my life right now...

I am loving my husband working for himself. He seems to be so much more satisfied with his outlook on life. He is a happier person, which means I am a happier person. He loves getting up with me, taking the boys to school and doing what he wants when he wants. It's the first time in 5 years I have seen him like this. He is now the man I married... and I love this!

My kids are doing great... and growing up like weeds. I wish I could press pause on this right now...

And the Arizona weather is at that absolutely beautiful point that I wish nobody knew about... it would keep out the snowbirds.

But the problem with loving my life right now is I start wondering what I would do "if I could". If I could drop everything... if I could move away... if I could go back in time/jump forward in time/pause time. If I could eat anything/make anything/do anything.

If I could change things outside of my control.

Sometimes I wonder about life's double edged swords. About the walls we build around ourselves and the people we surround ourselves by. The actions that we take that define who we are. And the action that the people we surround ourselves by also take... which I think further define who we are.

While I don't live with regrets... I am wondering how I will change my tomorrow so that I can not wonder about how things could be different. I want deeper friendships, richer experiences, and more memorable tomorrows. I want to do things just because. I want to miss opening weekends at the theatres and make new traditions. I want to laugh more and give love more freely.

I want to live like a child.

If I could, I'd do it all today.

Sustainable

I had a girl come out on Saturday to visit with me about my garden. It needs some serious love... and since I just feel like I need some major hand holding, I figured she was totally worth the time and money. Plus, she knew my husband's late grandparents. That's always a plus.

She came out and we talked about my lofty goals. Goals that included a backyard orchard, an abundance of crops, aromatic herbs... and chickens.

My HOA says no chickens. But my neighbors... they say that so long as they are in my yard and I don't have a rooster, they don't care. I love my neighbors.

My husband is fully on board. So we are underway with our plans to revamp our side yard. Here is the satellite "before"...

I can't wait for this fall. I know that the trees won't be overloaded with fruit.. but the garden should be plentiful... so if you are in the area, feel free to stop by! :o)

I am ready to become a little more sustainable... be ready for updates as they happen!