Sunday, September 12, 2010

If I could...

I have been having one of those months... a month that makes me love everything about my life right now...

I am loving my husband working for himself. He seems to be so much more satisfied with his outlook on life. He is a happier person, which means I am a happier person. He loves getting up with me, taking the boys to school and doing what he wants when he wants. It's the first time in 5 years I have seen him like this. He is now the man I married... and I love this!

My kids are doing great... and growing up like weeds. I wish I could press pause on this right now...

And the Arizona weather is at that absolutely beautiful point that I wish nobody knew about... it would keep out the snowbirds.

But the problem with loving my life right now is I start wondering what I would do "if I could". If I could drop everything... if I could move away... if I could go back in time/jump forward in time/pause time. If I could eat anything/make anything/do anything.

If I could change things outside of my control.

Sometimes I wonder about life's double edged swords. About the walls we build around ourselves and the people we surround ourselves by. The actions that we take that define who we are. And the action that the people we surround ourselves by also take... which I think further define who we are.

While I don't live with regrets... I am wondering how I will change my tomorrow so that I can not wonder about how things could be different. I want deeper friendships, richer experiences, and more memorable tomorrows. I want to do things just because. I want to miss opening weekends at the theatres and make new traditions. I want to laugh more and give love more freely.

I want to live like a child.

If I could, I'd do it all today.

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