Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Importance

I know a few people are really tired of me whining about my family. I should be lucky to have such an awesome, huge, loving family.... right? We are almost all living in AZ... we try to do family things together... but it's still family... a family that drives me batty.

Especially now. I am having to make some major sacrifices to keep the peace in regards to our Thanksgiving plans. And I am being told that they don't want it... that I am making an inconveinence for people. That they all deserve a break from what is important to me. And just so we are clear, I am talking about dishes... and using them... not imported caviar, or pressed linens.

But it makes me wonder... what really is important? Is it more important to me to stand up for what I am believing is the right thing? Or more important for me to surround myself with family? What if that family is full of so much negativity, so much anger, so much greed that I leave feeling bad every time? How much can I subject myself to before I realize that it's just not worth it?

This happens to me every major holiday. Mother's Day I spend crying over how everyone ignores me when I suggest cooking a meal at home ("I'll do the cooking," I say... or my hubs offers to grill). They all want to go to Z'Teja's... which is both out of our price range and hard to get reservations for 36 at. We end up with Costco lasagna... and greedy family members asking for every family to PAY for their food... which they had no say in. And was cold and almost gone when they arrived... because for some reason, when they say that we are eating at 12, it's decided to start at 11 because someone is hungry.

I can't make this stuff up.

I really think that it's not healthy for me to keep trying to make things work and feel so bound to this negative cycle. I think that it's time for me to branch off and start making things about simple traditions. About food and fun and family... not a cafeteria line and a funds jar. About enjoying a homemade pie... not wondering who is going to wash the dishes.

Sometimes, the important things are are ones that you tuck in at night, you call for help, and you don't have to explain anything to. They are the ones that matter.

3 comments:

Courtney said...

36 people is a ridiculous amount for Mother's Day dinner out! That's crazy. We have the same sort of issues in our family and we are still working on getting it straightened out. Having kids makes it 100 times worse! It's different when it's just you and your spouse- you can drive to 15 different places on one holiday without thinking about it- but once you have kids, it's like your limit is one place. Good luck!

Angel said...

Hey, thanks for following my blog. I'm following you now too. :)

I can so relate to this. I have a real hard time at my in-laws for holidays. One year my sil threw away half of the apple pie I had brought just because it hadn't set well (too runny), but it still tasted great. Several years later, I signed up to bring pies. I brought 4 gorgeous pies, all homemade with perfectly flaky crusts. We had to leave early to get our girls in bed so I sliced them all and said I'd come back for the dishes but I was told to take them all with me because they would never get eaten. Huh? Then why did you let me sign up to bring them?

This year we are with MY family, and I was able to RSVP before my mom who usually signs up for dessert and buys it at Costco. That is just SO wrong! Guess what I'm bringing? PIES!!! I can't wait to make them because I know they will be perfect, so appreciated and devoured.

When I get down about things like that, my hubby always says "just remember, we are making our OWN family. I can't wait to be the Grandmother (well, I can wait...) and to be the glue that holds OUR family together.

Anyway, know that you are not alone and I hope your holiday season is joyful.

Monica Shirk said...

Oh HONEY! I am so there with you. I flew home on Monday and spent the week prepping for Thanksgiving and a baby shower on Saturday for my sister. I have burn marks on my hands from trying to pull back on my mother's reigns. She has to put on such a show. Not because she enjoys it, but because she has to prove something. Yes, she is a good cook but she is a horrible planner and cannot handle her anxiety of everything not being absolutely perfect. I have thrown down the gauntlet and have pulled together with my stepdad- there will be no cooking for Christmas.

I applaud you!

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