1. I will always trust my parents more than my husbands parents... not that they are bad people, or that they shouldn't be trusted... but my parents are my parents. I don't mind them in my house, taking care of my son, doing things for me... that's what they do. I will likely never feel as close to my in laws.
2. When I am sick, I don't want people over. That includes anybody... even if they are volunteering to cook for me, or clean my house, or take care of the baby... somehow I still end up entertaining... so let's just avoid the hassle and let me get better... I'll invite you when I am good and ready.
3. Traveling 1 hour for a pie that nobody is going to eat just because it was made for you isn't a reason to get 2 adults and 1 newborn dressed, packed, and ready to go. Especially when it means that we drive to the location of the pie... and drive straight home. Pumpkin pie doesn't like to wait in the car while you finish Christmas Shopping.
4. I set my own limitations. If I want to take the baby overnight (even if I had surgery), give me the baby! If I want to go to Target, take me to the store. Do not tell me that I can't do something. I know my body better than you do... so let me call the shots sometimes.
5. I will always tell you that I don't need to be taken care of... I will always tell you that I don't need help. Please realize that when you are over to help me... you need to actually help me. Staying in a different room the entire day is not taking care of me. Not taking the baby isn't taking care of me... you can always try changing a diaper... I will never complain and say no.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
When it rains... it pours
As if having a newborn that I don't feel bonded to, and mastitis weren't enough... my body had to throw me a fast one... a Gallbladder attack on Friday morning, say, around 2:15am!
I never even knew I had these damned gallstones... but I ended up having my entire gallbladder removed as my gallstones were huge (think golfballs) and plentiful (around 3)... I obviously had them for years and was lucky not to have more problems with them than I did have. I waited in the ER for 6 hours for the surgeon... then was moved to a room at around 8:30am... and then I waited for the surgeon for another 8 hours when all of a sudden nurses were there to take me to the operation room... yeah... I never met with the surgeon. I was never given my options. I was so out of it... I just went with the flow. When I finally did meet the ever allusive surgeon, he basically said that this was a laproscopic procedure (so there wouldn't be just one large incision... there would be lots of small ones) and I would likely be there for a day or so. I went through the surgery... and that night one of the brainiac nurses reduced my pain meds, and didn't tell me! I was crying in pain (a 8 on the pain scale) and he couldn't offer me anything for 2 more hours... it was the worst thing in the world. I woke up my sleeping hubby just to have him sit with me while I waited for those hours to tick away... I felt so lonely, so miserable, and so irritated that things just couldn't go right for me.
To make a long story not so long, the doctor wrote my discharge instructions right after the surgery saying that I was to be discharged first thing in the morning... but nobody told me. I was served breakfast and lunch. I was given my pain meds. I was told to walk and to shower. I was seen by the surgeon at 4pm who said "When she's ready to go... she's ready to go." A chaplain and a social worker showed up (but I was sound asleep both times) and when I finally woke up long enough, it was to hear that I needed to leave because I had been discharged at 8am, and that the hospital was being generous by letting me stay to that point. If I stayed any longer, I would be charged a cash bill because they couldn't bill my insurance for it. I was miserable (vomiting, nauseated, and in pain). My parents told my husband and I that they would take the baby to their house, and for us to stay over there as well so that we could be taken care of.
I couldn't believe how negative this experience was. I have to give my parents the biggest credit in the world for being there for me... they took care of the baby overnight, they changed him and held him in the hospital... and they made sure that my husband had one less thing to worry about during this whole ordeal.
One final note... this whole thing has made my distance between me and the baby a little more pronounced... I am starting to feel like he really doesn't need me... especially when he survives for 3 days without me even touching him... I know that part of that is because I planned ahead... but at the same time, it makes me feel like I am just here to feed him. My OB put me on an antidepressant to help out with this... hopefully baby and I will be a better team soon enough.
But I am tired of all these drama filled days... I hope my New Year's forecast is sunny days... no more rain!
I never even knew I had these damned gallstones... but I ended up having my entire gallbladder removed as my gallstones were huge (think golfballs) and plentiful (around 3)... I obviously had them for years and was lucky not to have more problems with them than I did have. I waited in the ER for 6 hours for the surgeon... then was moved to a room at around 8:30am... and then I waited for the surgeon for another 8 hours when all of a sudden nurses were there to take me to the operation room... yeah... I never met with the surgeon. I was never given my options. I was so out of it... I just went with the flow. When I finally did meet the ever allusive surgeon, he basically said that this was a laproscopic procedure (so there wouldn't be just one large incision... there would be lots of small ones) and I would likely be there for a day or so. I went through the surgery... and that night one of the brainiac nurses reduced my pain meds, and didn't tell me! I was crying in pain (a 8 on the pain scale) and he couldn't offer me anything for 2 more hours... it was the worst thing in the world. I woke up my sleeping hubby just to have him sit with me while I waited for those hours to tick away... I felt so lonely, so miserable, and so irritated that things just couldn't go right for me.
To make a long story not so long, the doctor wrote my discharge instructions right after the surgery saying that I was to be discharged first thing in the morning... but nobody told me. I was served breakfast and lunch. I was given my pain meds. I was told to walk and to shower. I was seen by the surgeon at 4pm who said "When she's ready to go... she's ready to go." A chaplain and a social worker showed up (but I was sound asleep both times) and when I finally woke up long enough, it was to hear that I needed to leave because I had been discharged at 8am, and that the hospital was being generous by letting me stay to that point. If I stayed any longer, I would be charged a cash bill because they couldn't bill my insurance for it. I was miserable (vomiting, nauseated, and in pain). My parents told my husband and I that they would take the baby to their house, and for us to stay over there as well so that we could be taken care of.
I couldn't believe how negative this experience was. I have to give my parents the biggest credit in the world for being there for me... they took care of the baby overnight, they changed him and held him in the hospital... and they made sure that my husband had one less thing to worry about during this whole ordeal.
One final note... this whole thing has made my distance between me and the baby a little more pronounced... I am starting to feel like he really doesn't need me... especially when he survives for 3 days without me even touching him... I know that part of that is because I planned ahead... but at the same time, it makes me feel like I am just here to feed him. My OB put me on an antidepressant to help out with this... hopefully baby and I will be a better team soon enough.
But I am tired of all these drama filled days... I hope my New Year's forecast is sunny days... no more rain!
Monday, December 3, 2007
I heart my mom...
Lately, I have been feeling that life isn't very fair. Not that anyone ever told me that it was fair, but things have seemed incredibly tilted as far as what is being dished out to whom...
But- just when I think things couldn't get worse... something incredibly nice, generous, or otherwise awesome comes my way.
I found out that I have mastitis... an infected milk duct... and I feel like I have the flu. I am not able to care for my little boy the way I should... and I am already having bonding issues with him anyway. But, when I want to just cry... my mom shows up like a knight in shining armor to whisk him away for the night... and I can just feel better.
I am so blessed to have her right now!
But- just when I think things couldn't get worse... something incredibly nice, generous, or otherwise awesome comes my way.
I found out that I have mastitis... an infected milk duct... and I feel like I have the flu. I am not able to care for my little boy the way I should... and I am already having bonding issues with him anyway. But, when I want to just cry... my mom shows up like a knight in shining armor to whisk him away for the night... and I can just feel better.
I am so blessed to have her right now!
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